Treating trauma
Simon’s story
Simon was now in his thirties and he had lost his dad when he was just fifteen. Now his mother was dying from cancer and at such a sad time Simon was not prepared for the shock that awaited him. His mother decided that she must now reveal the truth, that she was in fact his aunt, not his real mother; because when Simon was just three years old, both his parents died in a road traffic accident. At the time it was felt that he would be too young to remember and he was adopted by his aunt and uncle. Apparently though they wanted to, they were not sure how to tell him and just kept putting it off. Simon loved his adoptive mother dearly but, on hearing this news, felt as if he had been hit in the stomach with yet another blow. Time went by and his ‘mother’ died and Simon tried to make the best of things. He booked a good holiday with a friend and decided to get out more. Over time he started getting digestive problems and wasn't sleeping well, so he would have a couple of glasses of wine every evening. At work, he had a responsible job in the City and there was a lot of pressure and late nights. He found himself drinking regularly to unwind and yet still was unable to relax or sleep properly. He booked another holiday and could barely afford it but hoped it would help him get the rest he needed. The pattern went on for some time until his boss began to notice that he didn't seem to be himself and suggested he visit the occupational health office to get some counselling. He had counselling for bereavement and that helped somewhat but it didn’t stop his drinking habit and constant feelings of anxiety. One day in desperation he went on to Google and typed ‘help, I’m stressed and I don’t know what to do!’, he began looking at some answers and found Hypnotherapy.
How Hypnotherapy Helped
During his childhood and into adulthood, Simon always 1. felt on the outside when in groups; 2. he knew he was different but did not know why. His parents were very supportive and loving and yet he remained a bit of a loner. His confidence was OK so long as he felt accepted, but whenever there was someone with whom he did not get on, he became subservient. Simon quite often had bosses who tried to bully him and so he went to a seminar about how to cope with bullying, which did help. He found it difficult to settle down in relationships too and wasn't seeing anyone currently. He explained how the trauma of learning about his real parents' death and his adoptive mother’s recent death had affected him.
What Simon's unconscious mind had made of the circumstances
Under hypnosis it became clear that he had sensed that something wasn’t quite right and the separation even at such a young age from his real parents was most definitely felt though not understood. He felt bad because he had been abandoned and did not know why. He also felt guilty for being alive and insecure because the feeling of security we enjoy of knowing who we are and where we come from was broken.
What we did to remedy and heal the problem
We used a time-line approach to Simon’s therapy so that he gently drifted back to when the incident happened and then he was able to imagine himself floating way above the situation so that he did not get associated with feelings of pain. He was then able to see himself aged 3 and his parents and what had happened and understand it from his adult perspective. When Simon looked at the situation apart from the sadness he was able to see his parents’ love for him and to acknowledge how they hadn’t wanted to abandon him but had no choice. I asked him what he needed to bring into that situation to heal the pain and sadness. The answer came as a cloud of love. Simon used his imagination to cover the whole situation with a cloud of love and healing. He then zoomed down into the situation and had a group hug with his parents before releasing them to their rest. It was a very emotional and wonderful experience. Simon came for three visits and was also able to deal with a number of areas including his feelings around his adoptive parents and his recent bereavement.
Aftercare
Though we had worked on the root cause to Simon’s problem thise was a lot of gradual healing and restoration to be done and we talked about strategies that he could use to help himself. We also talked about the importance of self help and personal growth.
Ongoing result
Simon learned to relax more, continuing his personal development and to unwind by replacing alcohol with football and the gym, deciding only to drink on social occasions. The revelations about his adoption, and the process of healing had a knock-on effect on his entire life, including the freedom to begin his new journey of self-discovery...
Do you suffer from the effects of trauma?
